Damn Terrorists

Okay, first I want to apologize for the lapse in updates in the past two months. So yea, school started which means I am at the ME building 12 hours a day and I have minimal free time during the week. So expect rants for the rest of the semester to be sparse but I should be able to get them up more regularly come summer. So anyways, on to the story…

So terrorism sucks ass I have decided. Yes, this would seem to be a given to most people but hear me out. Its Spring Break 2004 so we road trip to Sante Fe, New Mexico and go skiing for half a week with some of my engineering buddies. It was a hell of a time and I hope to get some of the videos and pics up on here sometime. The rest of the week I spend at home in Coppell just relaxing and hanging with my close friends from High School. All in all a very good Spring Break I would say. Not too crazy but it was it was eventful enough to be fun and relaxing.

So Sunday Night at the end of Spring Break I show up to the airport to fly home. I am carrying a small suitcase that is packed to the max, I am telling you this thing is dense, a backpack full of miscellaneous crap, and a Foley’s bag of dress shirts and khakis for my internship next summer. So my first hang-up is I am notified by the lady at the front of the security line that I am going to have to either combine all my shit into two bags or check something. I take a glance at the baggage check line for about 0.1 seconds and decided I am going to make this baggage combination thing work. So after a couple of minutes I have my backpack, 4 pair of khakis, and 4 polo shirts very carefully crammed into this small ass Foley’s bag. So I go to the next checkpoint in the security maze where a woman notifies me that I have randomly been chosen for what I have come to call the “Full Cavity Search”. Some of the details of this search include me removing my shoes (something that is particularly annoying to me personally), getting waved all over with a metal detector wand, and having my bags turned inside out.

Well after the lady had gone through all my clothes and realized I was bomb free she started to repack my bag. About halfway through she looked over to me when she realized this was not going to be easy, the way this bag was packed was a freakin science. I asked if she needed help but apparently I am not supposed to leave the chair that I was summoned to sit in. So after about 5 minutes of wrestling and the assistance of another security guard they wrestle all my stuff back into my bag, hole punch my boarding pass three times, and send me on my way. My buddy Bill’s dad is a pilot and he suggested I was probably “randomly” chosen because I had a one-way ticket that was setup just a day or two before. My ticket was standby so after the remaining flights for the day came and went without an open seat my dad picked me up and I decided to return the next morning for the 6:30 flight.

So fast-forward to the next morning. I show up and go through the first security checkpoint no problem. So good so far. The second security checkpoint I roll up to the lady notifies me that I have been randomly chosen for the “Full Cavity Search” once again. With this luck I start doubting if I should be riding a plane at all. The lady asks me all the usual questions, and the whole procedure is repeated. The “officers” as their uniforms suggest have the same problem with repacking my highly dense bag and once again it takes two of them. So once everything is packed up and ready to go they ask for my boarding pass to hole punch, which I present to them. They ask me why it is hole punched and I explain that I had already gone through the whole bullshit process the day before. The tell me that I need to go back out through security, get a new boarding pass, and come back through security because they swore they could not hole punch a boarding pass that was already hole punched. Granted this is the same boarding pass that I showed at the previous two security checkpoints.

One of the “officers” escorts me out of the security area and back into the lobby where I have to wait in line for a boarding pass. Oh yea, did I mention this was all at 5:45 in the morning! So I make it through the first check point no problem, and for the third time at the second checkpoint I am “randomly selected for the Anal Probe Search Test. So, I go through the line to the same station I was just at. The “Head Officer” looks me straight in the eye and without even cracking a smile starts to ask the series of questions starting with “Sir, are you carrying a laptop?” At first, I thought she had to have been kidding. I was just there not 4 minutes before. After realizing she really did expect a response I look her in the eye and respond, “Still don’t”. She continues to go through the series of questions. The bag checking officers start to go through my bag totally oblivious to the amount of effort it took them to get all the shit back into the bag not 5 minutes before. So, for the third time, it takes two of them to get all the shit back in, I put my shoes back on, and I go on my merry way.

So the moral of the story is, Terrorists are bastards. I am in support of an amendment that found terrorists should face public execution. No I am kidding about that but really does this system prevent terror? It would not have prevented any of the September 11th attacks. Nevertheless, these precautions are in place and we have the terrorists of the world to blame. So to you, Mr. American-hating Suicidal “Religious” Guy who is responsible for a sequence of very irritating events I had to endure, I raise my right hand in the air and give you the one finger salute.


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